11. Aftercare

That is where soft boundaries come into play. This communicates to the Dom that he can push her boundaries in that area of play, but that he might be met with a full hard stop “red”.
 Emily Anne
Updated: January 7, 2020

Aftercare

I'm going to go over after care Basics so what is aftercare the definition that I got from urban dictionary which does in BDSM play the quiet. Immediately following a scene between the top bottom and the bottom sub often includes cuddling talkin gradually returning to the real world definition is leaving out is that really it's the top in the dominance responsibility to make sure that Aftercare happens and that it is appropriate and that it is enough to make sure that the sub comes back out of Subspace if they are in Subspace and also to ensure that especially if there's been a lot of impact play the sub is taking care of the bottom or the sub is taken care of and they're checked in with emotionally physically mentally so what's included okay so really Aftercare it just it just depends on the sub and it depends on the circumstances the more intense the session the more Aftercare might be necessary so if you had a long session and there's a lot of impact play a lot of bruising a lot of maybe some psychological degradation humiliation you're going to want I'm in the Aftercare. After the session to make sure that you've built the sub back up you've brought them back to reality I mean the whole time it's reality but they're feeling okay and recovered from the session there's usually touch and maybe some cuddling it really depends on the partners partners really need to be discussing what africare should include prior to play you don't want to wait until after a session happens to you know something cuz a lot of times a submissive won't know what to ask for when they're in sub-space or if they've just come out of an intense scene dominant and the top should be doing for you what's the purpose of Aftercare so people think that you don't need a lot of for care and that's fine you don't include after care number one it makes your play less safe and less sane which are the cornerstones of BSM and also I'm you're really not setting up the next scene or session no way that's going to improve or expand on your experience it's also not going to deepen your relationship if you don't really pause after a session to both of you like recover and allow the sub to recuperate and then get the attention they need so it's also helps prevent or reduce the impact of what's called subdrop subdrop is something that happens it's like a depressive feeling that a submissive gets after a session so that you could you can have a high during the session steven then later you could experience sub drop which is like it goes the opposite direction and your emotions can be flatlined you can experience some depressive symptoms and anxiety and all sorts of things that aren't aren't aren't really fun and if you have some good after care a lot of times it can prevent some of the sub drop from happen aftercare is a really good time to do what I call debriefing of the scene and this really should be led by the dominant or top and asking questions did you like best What did you like least What didn't you like as much How was the intensity Those are questions you should be asking You know and I think it's you know just you just cuddle and then you move on well that might be that might work for some subs but some other steps might need longer. Of time you want to discuss you know depends on your relationship but like you want to discuss whether or not this I'm submissive should stay overnight or stay in the same facility stay with the person stay with the top dominant whether that's the issue should discuss prior to play the factors for the duration of Aftercare include the age the relative age and the age of the submissive if you're dealing with the young submissive and the experience level is slower you might want to give more africare the intensity of the session if it was intense you want to give more past trauma I think it's important to extend more after care for someone who has had that kind of background you want to negotiate of friends prior to the session how long and I always recommend it depending on the circumstances if you're play Partners in you're going to part after the session at the scene one of the dominant always needs to follow up via text and or a phone call this is really important don't don't let us submissive out of your email right out of your scene doing a follow-up text usually like right away one follow-up text and then four days afterwards subdrop can be delayed so you might want to follow up throughout the next week and you know just checking check in with your submissive it's really important and that's your Aftercare basics 

This is for the truly kinky

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