Bonus #3 - Saying No: BDSM Boundary Setting

Why true subs hate Anastasia Steele
 Emily Anne
Updated: January 8, 2020

Saying No: BDSM Boundary Setting

Okay this video we're going to go over a btsm boundary setting and wise saying no is a powerful way to express yourself in BDSM play so want to talk about why no is a powerful word I think it's often misunderstood and I think people underestimate how powerful it can beat there's a quote there with Warren Buffett sing the difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything and only we have to go that far but the point is used or excluding things that really don't serve you or aren't what you really want to choose is a powerful way to establish your boundaries and two and Foster self-confidence and self-esteem because it's basically saying this is where I End and You Begin this is what I want and what I don't want and when you establish a boundary like that just in general just talking general terms a create space for what you do want to come through so it's it's really important for you to touch base and get clear about what it is you want and what you don't want is witches how to determine what is a know the biggest key here is this has to come from you and usually it can come from a gut reaction or reaction inside your body so if you're faced with a choice and it's not feeling right it's a no I mean you know you might approach may be by and we'll talk about that in a minute but to yourself and feel your feelings and really take the time to go okay is it something I want or just checking general terms and then we'll talk about BDSM but you like there's a picture on the left hand side of a of a man begging a woman and I want to check for whether or not you're being coerced or pressured or persuaded to do something or you feel bullied or you feel like there's some manipulation those are all keys that maybe someone's trying to turn your no into a yes and you need to be sure that your yes is a real yes and it hasn't been acted upon by someone else outside of you so another way to determine what is a no and what is the yes it should think about what it is you're like why you're doing something if you start to do something need to check in okay why am I doing this and there's a whether you are serving taking allowing are accepting so when you're serving you're doing acts for someone to give them pleasure when you're taking you doing a something to say to someone to get pleasure for yourself when you're allowing find someone to do something to you to give them pleasure and when you're accepting you accept something from someone to get pleasure for yourself those are all areas that give you pleasure and give him give them pleasure and there's mutuality so you kind of establish what you want and what you don't want in that fashion okay so no one no can be consensual or non-consensual so when you say no it could mean. Stop what you're doing but again when we talked about negotiating a scene and safe words are safe signals you can decide specially with consensual non-consent or depending on the type of you know submitting you're doing if your if your brain bratty know you can decide ahead of time whether or not no really means no. Or if no is not an indication to stop no can be and be consensual and that's only if you also have a safe word that can be actually used as an o in the circumstance are for for example maybe you say no when you really mean yes pics of a BDSM scene only meaning you've negotiated up front and you said you know no can be used but anytime I say red that means. You have to stop everything and then it acts as a boundary setting again this can be used in a negotiating see you can say no to anything and negotiating is him you can say no to anything at any time again in our consent video we talked about consent is a it's on a Continuum it continues throughout the entire time during and post scene so tourneau it anytime and you can use it simply and you don't have to excuse your use of it there's envious and there's no room for codependency or passive aggressive behavior so you know you if you're someone who tends to worry about what other people think when you said a boundary this is a danger zone and you you need to make sure that you feel safe and secure to say no and if you're with a potential Playmate who doesn't seem to accept your boundary setting that's a huge red flag and I would run the other way so how to communicate a no you can say no simply you don't have to add anything to it you don't have to qualify it you can in the context of play I mean this is BDSM play so it is meant to be you no fun and pleasurable you can say no with tact but you want to make sure that you're no is a clear no suction among especially new submissive that they think even when they're negotiating to seem that they're not allowed to say no to what the the dominant wants and that is not the case you are the bottom or a sub or any kind of play partner you can always say no to anything and you don't have to agree to anything that the other partner is suggesting okay the really the goal of this video is to help you learn that no is a powerful word and you should use it into really the goal of of incorporating BSM into your sex life should be and getting to the hell yes and your sexual life in the bedroom and in just regular BDSM play so really our goal is to get to the hell yes which means we want it to be No Holds Barred like not holding back has the most pleasure you can opposite of no could be a hell yes that's the goal but maybe is okay as well curiosity is okay those are areas that you can still explore like we talked about another videos but you want to be able to keep saying no to those things that you don't like so that you can get to the hell yes it is and when you say no you want to be firm you don't want to worry about how it's taken by the other person that's their responsibility you eventually can Whittle down your Mutual yes is a nose you want to maybe take a look at the sexual exploitation questionnaire on the site and go through it with your potential play partner or your or your partner essentially yes no maybe less so you can there might be a hell yes on there and get to those he'll yeses and focus on those and then the nose should be respected and your partner shouldn't it's okay to communicate about why you might not like something but your partner should never Gaslight you or try to talk you out of your now and that is the lecture on BSM boundary settingĀ 

This is for the truly kinky

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