All right let's just recap what you learned in this course First you want to use the kink test to get to know your desires and your submissive desires You want to negotiate boundaries and determine after care needs of your submissive You want to choose the top three to five activities that you determine from the king test You want to go on to create a mind movie in your head If you're the dominant you want to think about how this thing can go and what would be hot will be great based on the common ground with your submissive and really just think about it in your head using your imagination You want to then prep your space yourself and your sub You want to nail the beginning of the scene Get those first activities go into your Aftercare and your debriefing and then you want to follow up that makes a mental notes for yourself what you could do better what you'd like to do different and plan your next scene play the scores and you want to go on to learn more We have a BSM 101 course that goes into other areas of BDSM that can that will impact your scene play for example we have a module and negotiation we cover consent and risk awareness toys and tools the basics of bondage and impact play we have a module on how to potential dominant like what questions to ask we have module on how to dom your partner how to submit your partner we have a module on after care get into how to create aftercare and the things that you should look for and potentially do and then there's a lot of information on troubleshooting and safety we like to think that this class is inclusive of all orientations and gener identities and you can be a single or a couple and still benefit from it you can also be it's really geared more towards beginners but if you're experienced I think it's a great chance for you to really pinn down some basics and make sure you're covering all your bases and then if you would like some personalized attention and handholding especially with crafting a scene we offer BDSM coaching and this is part of what we do is we help couples and singles put together a customized scenes based on their interests and we do some planning some more done for you planning we work with you on how to a craft and execute a scene and then we follow up with you and go over how it went and what you can do in the future so if you want to take advantage of that that's over at the BSM coaches.com
All right now that we've negotiated the scene we have determined desires and boundaries we have done something planning and seen prep it is time to execute scene so you seen has a beginning middle and end even if it's informal beginning I usually like to talk about it being more like a Prelude like leading up to and in the beginning of the scene the middle is actually the same uniform as seen in the end is as the scene is dying down the Aftercare in the debriefing do you want to set the mood in the town with your instructions and other things so again you want to prep the space you want to think about music candles implements instructions to the sub you want to remind me beginning of a avenged even if you've been playing for a while you want to make sure that you remind this up of the safe words that actually set them up psychologically First of all to use them You want to encourage you to save words But I'd also get some psychologically prepared like hey like this is the scene that starting out like you know some stuff is going to happen so you really want to remind them of the safe words and save signals Do you understand or is that clear I like to use like a call and response especially in the beginning when you give a command give a command and then ask you understand and give a command ask is that clear make them respond to you so that you know it actually helps kind of break the ice in the scene to have a call and response so like ask a question get an answer ask a question and get an answer You want to outline the consequences of the the subs failure to comply so that they know how they're going to be punished and again talked about this before but you want to start strong the beginning of the scene should be the most scripted in your mind and that provides you the confidence to carry you through the rest of the scene so if you have those if you idea of exactly the blow-by-blow no pun intended of how it's going to go in the beginning that will set you up for Success throughout the whole scene so really plan on your mind see it over and over in your mind like what you want to have happened in the beginning and what those commands are going to be I like to really decide on where you want the submissive to be like your instructions you're texting instructions to them to be very specific about like what time is it show up should they disrobe like what should they where where where should they be when they start the saying usually like to be out of eyeshot out of sight when they enter the scene area and give them instructions on what to do it's a building suspense is great to use a blindfold so you might want to give them instructions to come in Neil W blindfold on the the the the couch or the start and wait for more instruction do you know wait for Daddy or wait for mistress this really gets them into that Stubbs Subspace of mind and you really want to will carry through the rest of the scene so nail down those first few moves in your mind execute those completely so really stick to those ones in the beginning of course you're going to want to be able to roll with the punches like if your submissives are saying no or like you need to punish them early of course you know go with the flow of that but really just get that the beginning strong and it provides that psychological influence over the submissive and makes them feel like you're really in charge and it'll calm them down and their trust in you will increase and it'll help the scene go a lot smoother the club scene is where a lot of the action happens you've done the Prelude you come in till you give him some commands and you've started in the circle position you've established your dominance remember that you're the same as you want to keep it short you know as you progress and do more scenes you obviously can extend the scene but really you want to leave them wanting more you don't want to overshoot you want to undershoot and make them want more and it sets you up for success in the next scene again you're having that basic outline in your head but because you already nailed the beginning this rest the same can really just kind of flow and follow your instinct in your garden and as you think of new things to do you know that are obviously negotiated or within the realm of possibility that the sub is given has given you want to just you want to go with the flow and improv in and give your commands and really it if there's parts of you that are unsure don't start acting like someone else I mean there can be role play in scenes and that's fine but really it's got to come from you and your observation of the submissive you really want to pay attention that listening and observing of the submissive is really important another key thing here is pacing a lot of times we get rushed and so you want to just like keep it low and slow just remind yourself like you can take your time really enjoy what it is you're doing really enjoy that full attention on that submissive and what is happening in the scene and this is where you want to do your check ends you want to make sure you check in throughout the scene ask things like do you like that use their submissive name that tells her or Mrs how that feels do you want more harder you know if you're seeing some body language that is like flinching or something you know you really want to check in and ask you know where they're at and again that's a lot of what the the safe words and save signals are for if you use the stop light a red yellow green you know you can ask them if they're approaching ran if they're in the yellow zone or if they're good to go those are really important don't you don't want to ever make assumptions you want to be very observant to the scene and we're getting to the climax now the end of the scene is basically as things are starting to come down and intensity but you want to indicate a clear end of the scenes so that we know okay now this thing is over and we're moving into aftercare and the dumb stuff dynamic is still continuing but the actual scene itself is ending sometimes the end of the scene is indicated by you know orgasm it just depends it's up to you and what you think your sub once as far as when the scene is done now you can stop and seen it anytime so if things aren't working just stop if you if you have any gut instinct that something's not right just stop there there's no rule that says you have to keep going you really safety is really import play out for that and it's okay to stop at the senior you know some things you can end the end of the scene could be taking a collar off something indicating that now the submissive can relax and you can come back to serve reality and let those endorphins and things her to settle in so after care if something is the activity that you want to do when after I seen you it's essentially your building up the side of and giving them and support after seeing a good rule of thumb and we go over this in the BDSM 101 course there's a a whole module in Africa but a good rule of thumb is the more intense the scene the more after care that you're going to want to give and after care must be discussed prior to doing the scene so that's a negotiation stage you must talk about what is what the set might require for after care scene when you can ask what what could you have done without or what could you have had left them what would it you've just been okay to have less up and not open the conversation you learn a lot about the submissive and in yourself and then this might be a time to trouble shoot some consent issues or miscommunication issues if they come up and again we have a free conscience consent course I gets into this and really detail because I get a moment even right after seeing it might not be the time to talk about in a submissive my he knows if their boundaries were crossed inadvertently or otherwise they might not be in a state to talk about it but if they do bring it up it's it's a chance for you to discuss what might have happened so that you don't make the same mistake next time and then this debriefing and africare is really a chance to set up your next session you was a dominant can make mental notes look like okay what did I prep that went well and what did I what did I really need to have in a lined out a little bit better so that next time you can not make the same mistakes are like really have the same flow lot better because you're have more preparation
Okay now that you have your scene planning done we're going to do some scene prep which is basically you're going to prep your space you're going to prep yourself you're going to prep your stuff So first thing you want to really go through back through the mind movie again and as you go through that and especially if you're wrote it down you can make a list of all the items you're going to need to implement that scene So like your implements like your if you have a flocker or any of your restraints You want to prep your space you want to you know usually you want to place implements and place that you can reach them easily and also for psychological reasons it's great to have some lined out for the sub to see them You want to think about mood lighting candles music anything that you're going to need to set the mood in the scene Think about that the nonsex activities that you want to prep for so your your your impact plan implements your restraints any tools any sensation play stuff like feathers or you know wax and you want to think about safety items so if you're doing any kind of bondage you want to make sure that you have you want to make sure you have road cutters and all the things that you need the scissors and things that you need for that and then you want to think about the things that you know you normally want to prep for if you're having sex you want to think about the toys you might want to use vibrators condoms and you save sex stuff you need a lube especially you want to make sure Lube is handy and you don't have to go running for it Think about having water nearby or some sort of snacks and a towel wipes maybe a dental dam if you use those and then you want to make sure those are within reach or like playing the scene or and and place the items where you think you might need them And then prepping yourself you really want to like psychologically prep for the scene you know you want to go over the senior head You want to think about how you want to feel during the scene and how you want the sub to feel remembering their hard limits go over those again You want to think about what you want to dress depends on you know maybe what kind of dominant you are If you like to you maybe want to go all out and get a new outfit if you are thinking about latex or something just really want to set the mood or like really get into the role of the dominant however it works for you You think about you know anal prep if there's going to be some anal the scene in your head and really get that confidence going so that you know what your plans are going to be if you really want to send them instructions ahead of time and like build up to the scene maybe even the week before the scene of the day before the scenes and some instructions you know little things that you can do to establish or maintain that dumps of Dynamics leading into the sea and give them some taste of what might happen in the same get their get their juices flowing and then get them excited to do the same
Okay in this module we're going to cover seen planning so what you want to do is you want to go take your top three or five activities from a king Quest or btsm list I'm going to show you how to do that with our King test which we games so that it's more convenient for partners to come together and filter and show different areas of interest not just a yes no maybe but like actually some creditors of like you're interested in the particular kink or activity so it is we have definitions for each kink and you we ranked the kinks you can rank them from a six star down to a one star so the six star is OMG got to have it it's like it's a must five is very interested for is interested three is willing to try two is maybe curious and one is no hard limit so this is really helpful for you to use you you can feel yours out and then invite your submissive or your partner or another partner if you're having a threesome or a group play and then you can compare them side by side and that there's there's going to be a filter available for you so you can take the top three to five that you can filter from the list that you both have come together and said okay these are the priorities and create a framework for the scene out of those and of course you're going to have other activities that are going to happen these are just like the main things so like you might have some different sensation play that happens in there but there's three or five activities could be could range from sexual to non-sexual it could be impact play could be sensation play it could be you know edging orgasm whatever so you want to create a framework for the scene based on those that's going to you're going to want to have a beginning middle and end and then you want to take that framework and start kind of day during about it that's really where the creativity comes in there's no right or wrong way to do a scene I can't it really wouldn't be coming from you would be coming for me but I do walk my clients through to help them with ideas and where to place them how to paste the scene but you are really wanted to start using your imagination just like start imagining of the same could go and I call you can write it out if you want but you can really to start like closing your eyes and like imagining how you see it going and the activities that are going to happen and sequence from there you want to figure out what space and implements you need like you're going to want to decide on a time and a place for the scene and it has to be agreed upon with the subs so you know set out of a day and a time and also like where it's going to happen is it going to happen in someone's house in a bedroom where are your implements you have them where you need them you're going to decide on the basic commands based on that framework so start thinking of like where you're going to ask the sub to be and move those are things are going to come up in the middle of this scene when you need them like you'll you'll you'll naturally do you like it on the bed on the floor Neil you don't get in position different things like that the rule of thumb here is to when you're planning or seen and you've done your mind movie you really want to go back to the beginning of the Mind movie and go okay we want to start strong if you can nail the beginning sequence and have that be the most structure out of the whole thing you'll it'll give you a lot of confidence to continue the scene so if you really want to kind of pinned down those first you know 5 to 10 minutes of the scene 3 to 5 minutes at least and know exactly what you're going what commands are going to give in the beginning and then the rest you can improve and rest and we're going to get into that in the execution module really good point here is especially if your new don't be too ambitious start low and slow like don't bite off more than you can chew or that you know about you won't need to be risk-aware send a consent in Risk issues in this in this course but you just focus on the stuff that you are more confident on and that you have experience in and you can sprinkle in some new stuff so long as you have consent with the submissive that you're that you're trying something new and it and you know it might be something that you have to immediately stop if it's not going well is planning
Okay now we're going to get into negotiation now why do I have this in quotes I have it in quotes because it sounds formal and it is a term that we use Nvidia sound like we're going to negotiate a scene or pretend like a long-term relationship but I put it in quotes because it can be a little more informal than that and also like negotiation makes you feel like there's some sort of adversarial relationship with their isn't this is you really Co creating a scene by using your desires and your subs desires as your roadmap they're going to start with desires and then you're going to impose boundaries so we have a module in BDSM 101 call negotiating a scene and it is really really in-depth but I'm going to get into some of the basics here first of all you want to start with desire so it conversation about desires should be like a fun exploratory conversation It's really like getting to know you know yourself and yourself you're erotic interior so we suggest you know there are yes no maybe list out there but we've developed an online interactive king test that has a lot of different kinks and activities you can go to the kinkfix.com and you can take the kink test and I'll get into how the king test looks and works a little bit later in another module but you want to see where your common desires match up you really want to look at this as awakening the possibilities for the scene there's a whole list of things you could do but you're going to eventually going to pair it down as we talk about later but this is really a chance to have a conversation about desires and fetishes and kinks and activities and stuff that you both might want to try or that you know you like and you want to do more of and then you want to think about like finding ideas for scenes not just from the kink test that can be a starter but you can also look to erotica porn fatlife.com and then really your own imagination but just remember that sometimes something you really get off on in your fantasy isn't always hot in person or reality so just keep that in mind so then we're going to get into boundaries you this is really a chance for you to learn your submissives hard limits and soft limits and I'll get into some examples of hard and soft limits in a minute but really a hard limit is a a big old no it's like you can't even go there you don't want to push it or anything a soft limit could be a range under no which means hey I have a limit here but it's not a full blown no yet meaning at any point it could become a no so we have a free conscious consent course that you might want to check out it really gets a deep dive into consent issues and figuring out boundaries discovering them communicating them it's really great so I'm just going to assume again in this course that all can send issues have been a dealt with and that everything that we're talking about is the consent has been communicated and so all the activities are consented too now I want to talk about surprise so when we think about communicating boundaries and potential activities in the scene sometimes you might want to oh I want to surprise myself I don't want them to know everything and sometimes it's submissive can be like I don't want to talk from the bottom I don't want to know I want to be afraid I want to be surprised well it's okay to have a certain level of surprise for example as to timing or like the mixture of activities but you never want to use an activity that was not discussed prior to the scene and can send it to so don't just throw in something to surprise your submissive that was never discussed you have to get prior consent for every activity to Harden soft limits and how the kink rankings said yes let's do it at 6 is OMG got to have it yes yes yes you've done it before and for you know you want it and it is a priority for the scene we're going to get into how that looks and they can test in the next module
Welcome to our course on how to create and execute a BDSM scene. In this course, each module will cover a different area of executing a scene.
We often jump into BDSM or kink without knowing what we're doing or how to start. We just learn as we go or from other play partners who have more experience. But this can lead to safety risks and/or our inexperience being taken advantage of.
Because of this, it's really important to know the basics and have some basic education on the framework of scene preparation, planning, and scene execution.
There's no right or wrong way to participate in kink—outside of consent issues. A successful BDSM experience is simply one where you've co-created a scene between the dominant and the submissive where you were both able to be and enjoy yourselves.
And a BDSM scene can be as formal or as informal as you want. This course might seem formal, but it's just to make sure you know what you're doing. You're leading someone through activities that have some risks, so it's important to know what you're doing with confidence and make sure you're covering your bases.
In this course I'm just going to focus on scene prep, planning, and execution.
We're also not going to get into huge issues of consent, that's covered in our free Conscious Consent course. I'm going to assume that consent has been given for any of the activities that I mention going forward in this course.
The next module will go over negotiation.