Foreplay Outside the Bedroom

You’ve Heard of “Aftercare” – What About “Forecare”?

When you think of foreplay, do you think touching, kissing, massaging? And do you think that belongs in the bedroom as simply a perfunctory “warmup” for the big deed? Like, say, 10 minutes worth?

Well, think again.

Foreplay isn’t just for the bedroom. In fact, it can be a geographically diverse series of events! It can even start wayyyy before sex.

This article will help you prime yourself and your partner for a sexy night.

Here are some things you can do to make the leading up to sex (almost) as good as the sex itself. And, using “foreplay” or “forecare” for a BDSM scene, you can really amp up the pleasure in your BDSM play.

The Buildup

Timing is key for sexual play. Many times our mood, our circumstances, and other things can get in the way of us truly enjoying our sexy time. Therefore, the time and effort and thought you put into the “buildup” prior to sex can pay off major dividends.

Foreplay starts way before even getting into the bedroom and forecare starts prior to even planning a BDSM scene. If you are interacting with a live-in partner, it can even start as early as waking up the “morning of.” Our minds are suggestible, so if you want to plan a hot sexy night with your partner, you can start by mind f-ing them (in a good, yummy way) in the morning.

Plant the seeds of a sexy night ahead by whispering in your partner’s ear some dirty talk. Talk about things you are going to do to them or what you want done to you. For BDSM play, a good d/s texting session heightens the anticipation of the scene! Take care to treat your sub to some healthy, yummy pre-scene commands, as well as query them to find out any needs they might have that you don’t know about yet (such as mood, timing, aftercare needs, etc).

Anticipation is yummy so milk it!

We tend to think sex should be quick to be passionate – not so! The buildup can get your juices flowing and create more sexual polarity.


What’s the biggest sex organ you own? Your brain. And what is the communication tool we use the most? Texting. Bringing some dirty talk into texting (ie, sexting) is one of the best ways you can incorporate foreplay into your “out of the bedroom” life prior to sex.

Sext your partner while they are at work (or even if they are working from home during quarantine). Build up that sexual tension. Tease them. If you are a brat, text your dom something sassy and teasing. If you are a dom, set up your next BDSM scene by giving commands and getting compliance from your sub. It puts them into the right head space prior the scene.

Better yet -take a hot photo of yourself and send with a saucy text about how much you are looking forward to sex and/or a BDSM scene with them. Check out this article for ideas.

Again, don’t wait for nighttime to start the dirty talk. Set the stage earlier in the day with some surprise sexting.

Fantasy play

Want to really amp up the fun and prolong the foreplay? Try some role play. Live out some scenes from your favorite movies/TV shows and act like those characters all day or leading up to bedroom time. That way, you will really be in character by the time you get to the bedroom. Maybe consider some sexy cosplay.

Prime your body for a better “O”

If you want the most out of your orgasms (and who doesn’t?), consider priming your body by building your pelvic floor. A great device to help you with that if you are female-bodied is the Yarlap. The Yarlap helps you strengthen your pelvic floor muscles, which are essential for a strong orgasm. The Yarlap won a Women’s Health FemTech award for “tools designed to empower women for physical and mental health” and is an FDA cleared treatment that requires no pills or surgery. Featured in Bustle, InStyle and Huffington Post, the Yarlap is an electronic device that tones your pelvic floor muscles by sending gentle signals to the muscles from inside your vagina. Sweet!

For male-bodied peeps, try withholding from orgasming for a day or two. That means hands off! Hehehe. This way you can build the sexual tension leading up to sexy play night.


Probably one of the most important facets of foreplay is physical touch. For example, one study found that, “Women were more likely to orgasm if their last sexual encounter included deep kissing, manual genital stimulation, and/or oral sex in addition to vaginal intercourse.” Finding those erogenous zones is vital for great foreplay touch.

Hands, lips, inner thighs, ears…Don’t forget that full-bodied, hot sex relates to, well, the full body! Often a nice massage can lead to great sex. It depends on how relaxed it makes you. One thing is for certain – touch can stimulate the nervous system and help you both get into the mood.

But, again, don’t wait to get to the bedroom to start this touching foreplay. Try kissing in the car on the way home. Or coming up behind your partner and kiss their neck while they do dishes in the kitchen. Consider starting up some foreplay in the garage, or in the backyard. I find the laundry room to be erotic. Sit and spin, baby! Use the vibration of the dryer to get things started.

Taking a shower together is a great way to enjoy the pleasurable sensations of warm water running over your bodies.

Incorporate an element of surprise. You don’t even have to end up having sex in the bedroom. There are lots of other fun places to have sex.

Make foreplay and BDSM forecare an exploration and adventure!

Written by Emily Anne

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