06. How to Dominate Your Partner

How to dominate in a safe and healthy way
Emily Anne 
Updated: January 7, 2020

How to Dominate Your Partner

In this video we're going to go over how to dominate your partner this is going to cover how to dominate your partner whether your identify as female male or nonbinary and just so you know in this video I'm going to be referring to masculine and feminine but really what I'm talking about is masculine and feminine energy not necessarily gender so when I use those terms just just remember that it doesn't that's only mean gender but generally speaking all talk in masculine and feminine charms and I might use the terms a man woman just freeze a reference what is a Dom what is a dominant the definition of a Dom in its most simplest form is someone who controls the scene so or the dynamic the symbols I can put it so it's someone who's in control now what I like to tell people is there's a fallacy that the submissive has no power and the Dom has all the power that's actually not true the submissive has all the power or he or they just give the dumb all the control so in essence whatever how are the dominant has or whatever control the dominant has has been gifted to that to the Doms Use Me by the submissive so in that sense this mess it really is the one with all the power but the way it works in the dynamic is generally the dominant is in control a dominant really wants to have a healthy masculine energy and that includes things like protectionism force Academy forcefulness logic decision-making blame it with like a healthy leader so you know what this could be in any gender but typically what we're looking for a dominant as someone who can take charge and has more of a forward movement meaning they're the ones pushing the energy through the scene or the dynamic there more of the instigator so the difference between a top and a Dom is a top can simply be the person who's actually acting upon the other person so attacked could be someone who simply does the impact play like does the spanking of the bottom where the dominant actually makes all the decisions and has control of the submissive so talk about leadership really that is the central one of the central core aspects to a dominant is a leadership and then d s relationship that means Dom sub relationship so if I talk if I said yes that's what that means I'm sub relationship now Dom sub relationship can be 24/7 or it can be just in the bedroom or could be simply just texting but the dynamic is what accounts are that's what we mean by relationship so the core of the main core principle the first one we're going to talk about his leadership and what that means so I like to use a dance analogy so in a scene essentially the dominant is the leader there are the ones I'm taking the lead in The Dance So In traditional terms it would have been a man leading up woman around the dance floor so really I think sometimes people over complicate that being dominant is literally you're just the one making all the decisions in the same similar to a liter and a dance a little bit of confidence so I think sometimes Dom's get tripped up on what it means to leave the scene and if they get a little bit lack of confidence when I like to use is a pet example specifically a dog or not I am not equating SMS about the dog I am just simply going to give you this example of like what it feels like when you tell your dog to sit or to do something you expect actually do it and so that's the kind of confidence you need to have his dominant that when you give a command you expect it to be you don't control or try to manipulate or use any excessive force to try to get your submissive to do what it is you're saying that is not I mean it's not going to be effective and you're not going to be in your dominant energy so that's that's one of the ways I tell people like to get that confidence is like when you give a command that you expected to be enforced printable number two is the masculine feminine energy of the Dom sub Dynamic which I think is really important is something that's really affected my life it's in submitting to a dominant typically what happens as I slip into a submissive how to be more of a yin feeling more of a feminine energy the yen equates to a feminine energy of water that flows I like to give the analogy of like when you're submitting is like you're letting go of the oars and you're floating Downstream and Upstream really is dictated by the dominant the the dominant typically carries the masculine energy and the submissive typically carries a more feminine energy now this could be a male female non-binary does it matter male submissive can be in a feminine type of energy even though they're fully masculine or full email however they want to identify but the feminine energies was flowing through them as they submit to the dominant so I think what's important to to learn about what a dominant is is to learn what a dominant is in so that you get an idea so I'm going to go through a list of these are red flags and things that if if the dominant is exhibiting there either Nautica down there they're not really a an actual dominant controlling top sorry controlling copy us so one of the things of dumb isn't is manipulative again when they give a command expected to be or there's going to be disciplined there is bad communication skills as an absolute not going to work for a dominant this Dynamic it depends entirely on good communication between the Dom and sub and the dominant needs to be able to communicate both orders commands discipline and whatever else direction that needs to happen and also needs to be able to learn how to listen and really pay attention to the submissive gaslighting not going to work meaning gaslighting means you're essentially telling the other person they are feeling or thinking so like if someone said I that really hurt my feelings and you come back and say your feelings weren't really hurt because XYZ that's not going to work you are a job is to assess the emotional state of your submissive and you need to listen to what you're saying and the body language they're giving off ghosting meaning which is like piecing out and not communicating is absolutely not acceptable demanding intimacy too early if you just meds and You're Expecting an immediate intimate relationship that can be a red flag demanding photos and videos before negotiating it is not ethical it's not really dominant Behavior telling telling the submissive what they think they want as if you know your job is to find out and to inquire not to tell not respecting boundaries is a big No-No this Dynamic does not work without batteries hard limits off limits you need to make sure that boundaries are laid out clearly and that you're submissive does that and that you would buy them if it does bad personal hygiene or they don't have a clean Living Spaces typically not a great it's not an indication that it is a healthy dominant personality if you say you don't want to use protective measures that is the opposite of that healthy masculine energy of protectionism because you were in charge of this individual in the in the scene or in the relationship so very much should be protecting them assistant or not abiding by boundaries is a sign that this is not a good dominant Behavior no sense of humor and most emotionally immature have a level of maturity leadership and has a good head on your shoulders to be a dominant a good dominant so that's not going to work acting cruel violent and abusive now this means they truly acting cruel by Larry Pierce if not for the sake of what the submissive is asking for in the like if Smith is asking for humiliation domination Atari humiliation and degradation and you give them that that's not what this means this means like actually being enough just honesty that's not going to work and it's a sign that you not very confident in yourself if you can't communicate honestly send negative things about past partners is not Kosher and it's not a good way to engender trust with your submissive puffed-up bragging generally a dominant when they're in their healthy what state they don't have they don't feel the need to brag they are just confident in themselves they don't have to pop up with anything I'm passive aggressive behavior doesn't work that goes back to a bad communication skills because she should be able to communicate very clearly laziness or sloppiness is not a good sign of manipulation again to force a sub to follow hard limit it's not respecting boundaries not allowing us a space for us a message to actually say what they need or want is the opposite of what a job to do this is you need to learn about your subs wants and needs in order to leave them very little or no Aftercare or not liking Aftercare you should really enjoy that bonding that happens after a scene okay so I'm going to go to a main point in Adams of relationship is it really requires communication on steroids meanings you don't assume with the other partners thinking of feeling you asked you have a full open and honest communication you get fully informed consent for everything that's going to happen in the scene there's a sexual exploration questionnaire on the side that you can download and go through with there's the message and it's like a yes no maybe list so you can get it idea of you know what your partner is looking for and whether it matches up with you and there's a BDSM test online that you can take that tells you that can cut it indicates you what where your interest lies and what type of dominant you might be and how dominant there different types of dominance I don't like to categorize people but sometimes people can be sadistic they might be sensual or more loving so it just depends on what comes out and actually with you and your sub really the communication needs to be directed towards figuring out your sub what makes them tick what turns them on what also you know how to push their boundaries when you get to know them better and are limits but it really knowing their limits and then after we talked about this before this is very important that means after the scene you're going to want to take care of the sub check in with a sub and emotionally and physically you know give reassurance both verbally and with touch if if requested tenderness especially if you had a session is is really a good idea and you should follow up days later just because there might be some stuff dropped at the experience and I like to say A good rule of thumb for aftercare minimum amount would be the more intense the scene the more after care should be given not just in tenderness but like length of time so you know if you have a 2-hour session and you don't leave enough time for aftercare you could risk yourself having sub drop and having some depressive depressive symptoms and it doesn't set you up for good trust later on so that's how to dominate your partnerĀ 

This is for the truly kinky

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