12. Troubleshooting and Safety

The biggest difference would be that Christian would have spent lots and lots of time asking Ana questions about herself, what she is like, get to know her personality and her sexual history.
 Jared Smith
Updated: December 20, 2019

Troubleshooting and Safety

In this video we're going to go over troubleshooting and safety so just want to cover some Key Safety principles and BDSM and there's a couple acronyms you should know there to kind of standard in the community One Is Safe sane and consensual SSC it just means stay sane and consensual Memphis give you some activities and being mentally able to consent to those activities so we have a video on consent when I go back and refer to that is risk-aware consensual Kink This Acronym explains that kinky activities are inherently risky which means I can't entirely be safe and that you must be aware of those risks to consent to kinky activities so whatever BDSM activities you were going to participate and just realize that there is a risk you need to recognize the risk and make sure that your consenting to those activities with that risk in mind and you want to be aware of them is a saying that recognizes that someone so someone who's into BDSM scene might be temporarily hurt as part of their consensual play but not permanently harm so and this goes for psychological and physical harm so we want play to be fun verbal and meaningful but we want to make sure that the hurt is temporary heart of the consensual activities and doesn't long-term psychological or physical damage honesty integrity and having an ethical basis to your play is very important to the safety of the players in the game so you want to make sure that you your honest with your partners both about your wants desires about your limits and you have integrity of your top bottom that's using a top or dominant in that you were keeping an eye out for safety and integrity as far as your intentions are to maintain and preserve these suborbital has boundaries ethics just goes to you know make play you're doing is ethical it's not harming anyone you're not manipulating anyone and it's for the good of all players okay so the number one way to maintain safe play and engaging in safe places to know your stuff meaning especially if you are the main actor as the top or the dominant who's leading the scene you really need to get educated understand not only how to do the BDSM play you're going to do but understand your play partner a dominant really really needs to understand the sub a top news understand the limits of the bottom and really pay attention to those physical no signs of limits and I'm stretching those really how far your play partner can go but also just what they want you need to make sure that there's mutuality in the BDSM play and being educated also includes understanding and downs of dynamic understanding the limits of that getting a good idea of you know how to communicate the relationship are in the boundaries of the particular senior about to do so and then another way you need to know your stuff for safety purposes as you really need to know how to use your tools you know this includes floggers whips cages any I meant that you using for impacts play some people like to use me those Electro stim is something where you use Electro Electro sometimes there's nodules or ones that can shock people in a small way you need to make sure you understand how they work and try them on yourself first and see the intensity you don't want to go around hurting people willy-nilly and also sexual toys like vibrators dildos you really know how those work and how you can or corporate them into the scene a big big thing it's not listed here but is you need to for safety you need to practice safe sex with maintaining clean services on your toys and not especially if there's group play not you know for example using the same dildo on several different partners without protection you know that's a good way to spread STIs or other health risk to people so you want to make sure that you maintain cleanliness at all times and use special soap to clean your toys okay so part of the safety considerations and BDSM is that I mean no one wants to think about this they just want to have fun but you need to prepare for the worst so that you can have full free and fun play I'm in reduce your risk so first thing would be to have a first aid kit handy depends on the intensity of your play what type of impact player going to do in particular fire extinguisher if you're doing any kind of candle play or Fire play water you know people tend to get dehydrated you should be able to have water and food especially if there's anybody who's you know how to say you might need to have some food nearby cutting tools again we talked about this in another video but you need to be able to cut through whatever your tying up your partner with is quickly as possible so really sharp scissors like surgical scissors and bolt cutters if you're using any kind of thick metal you want to make sure you have both headers handy if you're using anything that locks you mean you need to make sure you have a more than one set of keys and you have access to those make sure that there's a phone nearby that you can call 911 if there's an emergency and here's another safety tip to prepare I mean if we're talking especially if we're talking about new play partners you need to make sure that your information about where you're playing what you're doing and who you're playing with is given to a third party just in case something goes wrong and you need to be found contacted or used to be able to identify the other person that you're playing with I mean obviously no one wants like to think about these things but especially are more vulnerable to being abused I need to make sure that they have their bases covered and that they're not just doing this alone without anyone knowing especially if you're doing any kind of resistance play orthodontist up dynamic or there's lots of bondage and impact play it's very very important and also even if you aren't strangers you might want to let her know that you're playing and where you're at and to check in with you and if you haven't heard from that they need to come make sure everyone's okay and this again depends on the degree of intensity of play I just want to go over some main precautions you want to plan your Aftercare prior to playing so don't don't make africare an afterthought you know you have to and I talked about this several times but after care needs to be planned ahead of time and you need to have all the implements for aftercare including a blankets water food you know snuggly things whatever this is our the bottom needs you want to make sure you select the safe word so this retirement precaution so that just means like what you need to prepare for prior to play is you need to agree on a safe Technologies being very clear what it is and you don't want to play Under the Influence on either side I know sometimes people want to cut the tension with a little bit of maybe alcohol or cannabis or something and that could be fine but make sure that you have your all your wits about you and that you're able to make decisions in the moment kate again your hard and soft boundaries and also what you want to try so that you can get a scope of the scene is very clear that's one of the main precautions to take and then you know when you're planning a scene especially if your odometer top you need to have patience openness and you need to be realistic about what the scene is going to include and also sensitive to your partner's needs and wants there's all these me also psychological precaution I think people should take into consideration prior to play dynamic so you know with Subspace and you know the Don something that might can create a very deep healing Bond and lots of feel so you need to have your head screwed on straight and make sure that you're communicating expectations between the parties that like for instance if this is just a play scenario and it doesn't a more long-term relationship in real life that needs to be those expectations needs to be set out ahead of time so that you don't go through a scene and have you know some sub drop and then that combines with a subject spectations of a long-term relationship and they eat get even more psychologically damaged than just a sub drop so find the dynamic and part of that is like checking in before the scene and realizing that and then also after the seam during aftercare just you know because that can be kind of a romantic sensual experience that's bonding as well and so during that time you know I think it's important to you you don't have to reiterate something but you know just make it clear that there's a little bit of objectivity if that's the case if you're in a romantic relationship you don't have to worry about that so much because you're both in it together but again make sure you're on the same page as the one that you know instigating the action you want to just be prepared that okay if I make a mistake what am I going to do about it and if you have an idea ahead of time it can soften the blow of the mistake especially on your own psyche and your ability to continue doing what you're doing so an ability so what happens when you might have done something that was non-consensual and I think you should be prepared in case you know you cross someone's boundaries without meaning to avoid that at all costs but if it does happen the first thing is to have an awareness of it you might have a sense that maybe you did and the sub isn't speaking up so you want to name it to yourself first identify at check-in sort of happened and then communicate it to the submissive or bottom and ask I would ask permission first and try to bring it up in a way that's the timing of bringing it up needs to be after everyone is sort of calm down from the session is the best idea but not wait too long so that people don't remember and also you know if there has been a boundary Crossing and something was non-consensual impact and the sub might not want to bring it up so so yeah you were never wearing us name it communicated asking permission first you do float the idea first and see if they're willing to talk about it and then hear the impact of the non-consensual activity and then offer reparation is really important and really allow the sub to buy into what the reparations might be you can offer examples of things you might be able to do and then as a submissive like really be open when this happens so that you can get what you need if you feel like something happened that you didn't consent to it's important that you recover as well and that you are allowed to speak everything and anything you are feeling the dominant is a listening demon embarrassment can happen when things go wrong especially you know if you're leading a senior have a sense of control but then you lose control Sometimes the best way to deal with that is to have a sense of humor laugh it off and move on I mean the whole goal is really to toucan continue finding pleasure so obviously if someone says that they didn't consent to something that's not a time to laugh but if it's something smaller like something dropped in the scene or or you know always has happened or like you some people bump heads or something happen you know haven't having a laughing and I've been having a sense of humor is only for this is play it's not where it's play so it should have it sent to play along with it and then you know just kind of goes along with the non-consensual mistakes but you want to try to improve and get even more education and see what you could have done better like you can even write a letter you're dumb and you can even write a list of K and this is what happened like what could I have done to prevent that and done that better and communication is really key on that as well want to go over this last point about dominance in troubleshooting when it seems like things are necessarily going the way you want to sometimes what can happen with dominance is what's called The Imposter syndrome and that's like a common phrase in Psychology which a lot of people have just in general but dominant can have because they're the ones leading scene and they have a lot of responsibilities it's this imposter idea where you know if you lose your confidence all of a sudden it's almost like you know you're not feeling like you're the true dominant in the situation and you kind of want to be prepared for that comes up with a mistake and just realize you're going to adjust a move on do you like an issue with that but some people do I personally have and just remember that confidence is key and like keeping your eye on the ball and staying focused so it comes up just like recognize the thought and be like you know I'm obviously I'm doing what I love to do as a dominant and in my Subs enjoying it and I'm checking in with them so it's just something you have to acknowledge and move on from you know from the bottom is a big issue and like troubleshooting that can be a whole like Orson in and of itself but part of that is not resisting it too much or get angry or reacting emotionally to it except for you know if it's something that's ramping up your play and you both enjoy doing that that's great but from the bottom like at some point that can go on for a while or can happen sometimes but you have to put the kibosh on it and assert your dominance again and make sure that you know and sometimes I can be as simple as you know ball gagging them or you know preventing them from speaking so that they can't keep giving that sort of direction that they're not allowed to do and really taking control of the scene is just really them insisting on the the subs asking them to do keeping your call as a really big one like it's it's okay to have emotions during play you're going to and sometimes they can actually feed the same especially if there's anger and in a state of massacre stick sense do like just take a break from the communication and make that part of the boundary that you said that helps you be the best dominant you can be so that's are my notes on troubleshooting and safety 

This is for the truly kinky

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