02. Scene Negotiation

In this video, you will learn the basics of negotiating a scene between a dominant and a submissive. We will cover how to communicate desires, find common ground, and determine boundaries.
 Emily Anne
Updated: October 2, 2020

Scene Negotiation

Okay now we're going to get into negotiation now why do I have this in quotes I have it in quotes because it sounds formal and it is a term that we use Nvidia sound like we're going to negotiate a scene or pretend like a long-term relationship but I put it in quotes because it can be a little more informal than that and also like negotiation makes you feel like there's some sort of adversarial relationship with their isn't this is you really Co creating a scene by using your desires and your subs desires as your roadmap they're going to start with desires and then you're going to impose boundaries so we have a module in BDSM 101 call negotiating a scene and it is really really in-depth but I'm going to get into some of the basics here first of all you want to start with desire so it conversation about desires should be like a fun exploratory conversation It's really like getting to know you know yourself and yourself you're erotic interior so we suggest you know there are yes no maybe list out there but we've developed an online interactive king test that has a lot of different kinks and activities you can go to the kinkfix.com and you can take the kink test and I'll get into how the king test looks and works a little bit later in another module but you want to see where your common desires match up you really want to look at this as awakening the possibilities for the scene there's a whole list of things you could do but you're going to eventually going to pair it down as we talk about later but this is really a chance to have a conversation about desires and fetishes and kinks and activities and stuff that you both might want to try or that you know you like and you want to do more of and then you want to think about like finding ideas for scenes not just from the kink test that can be a starter but you can also look to erotica porn fatlife.com and then really your own imagination but just remember that sometimes something you really get off on in your fantasy isn't always hot in person or reality so just keep that in mind so then we're going to get into boundaries you this is really a chance for you to learn your submissives hard limits and soft limits and I'll get into some examples of hard and soft limits in a minute but really a hard limit is a a big old no it's like you can't even go there you don't want to push it or anything a soft limit could be a range under no which means hey I have a limit here but it's not a full blown no yet meaning at any point it could become a no so we have a free conscious consent course that you might want to check out it really gets a deep dive into consent issues and figuring out boundaries discovering them communicating them it's really great so I'm just going to assume again in this course that all can send issues have been a dealt with and that everything that we're talking about is the consent has been communicated and so all the activities are consented too now I want to talk about surprise so when we think about communicating boundaries and potential activities in the scene sometimes you might want to oh I want to surprise myself I don't want them to know everything and sometimes it's submissive can be like I don't want to talk from the bottom I don't want to know I want to be afraid I want to be surprised well it's okay to have a certain level of surprise for example as to timing or like the mixture of activities but you never want to use an activity that was not discussed prior to the scene and can send it to so don't just throw in something to surprise your submissive that was never discussed you have to get prior consent for every activity to Harden soft limits and how the kink rankings said yes let's do it at 6 is OMG got to have it yes yes yes you've done it before and for you know you want it and it is a priority for the scene we're going to get into how that looks and they can test in the next module 

This is for the truly kinky

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